February 2012
13 posts
Don't worry, I won't tell Toby.
After the show last night, we (my other weird double-name friend, Sarah Hensley, and her main squeeze, Wes) went to Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar [and Grill]. I don’t think Toby would be happy about how they brought his song to life. You’d think he’d have to give the okay but I’m sure he has “people” who handled it for him and are now just crossing their...
Heading to Denver this week!
I’ll be doing shows at the Denver Improv February 23-26. Come one, come all. I worked at a summer camp outside of Denver the summer of 2003. Every white kid who goes to private school on the East coast has to have at least one summer where they go out west to find themselves. I found a lot of alcohol and about 10 pounds but it was worth it. I’m looking forward to stand-up...
Ball so hard, indeed.
Is “that shit cray” going to be the anthem of 2012? It’s literally in the head of everyone I know. None of us can stop saying it! What you you done, Kanye?
Also, thanks for everyone’s support on the Oprah front. Indeed, I did call her on that validation joke. To think, I lost sleep over that.
“No. He asked if I wanted some and I said not necessary as he treats me like his...”
– my mother, in response to me asking whether my father bought her flowers for Valentine’s Day. Love exists, gals.
Rich people.
Obama is in town tonight for a fundraiser. It’s being hosted by the executive producer of the “Bold and the Beautiful” and Will Farrell is one of the emcees. The Grammy award winning Foo Fighters are also on the bill. According to NPR, the tickets were starting at $36,000 PER PERSON. So that means somewhere in Los Angeles today, two people are having the following discussion:
...
OPRAH'S GETTING A TASTE OF HER OWN MEDICINE.... →
I bought fancy shampoo again in an attempt to improve the quality of my life (the more expensive your beauty products are, the more you have it together, duh) and the name is disturbing:
“Poo,” in this instance, is referring to sulfates, which supposedly “strip your hair of all its natural nutrients,” whatever the F that means. I jokingly asked the woman at the beauty...
How are we expected to just "know" these things?
Me: When did stamps go up to 45 cents?
USPS employee: Two weeks ago.
Me: Isn’t there some sort of memo that can go out?
USPS employee: [blank stare]
Me: Well, is there a grace period? I mailed my car payment last week with a 44 cent stamp.
USPS employee: Nope.
Me: So do they send it back if there isn’t enough postage?
USPS employee: Nope. Sometimes the receipient has to pay the...
'Tis a sad, sad day.
The Arrowhead Water guy who delivers our fresh water and takes the empty bottles just stopped in for his bi-monthly delivery. Then he abruptly announced it’s his last day on this route and we’ll have a new guy next time. He could see I was upset but assured me, “Javier we’ll take real good care of you, ma’am.” It’s always a sad day when a delivery guy...
An answer for: have you seen any celebrities...
Yesterday I saw Lindsay Lohan outside a liquor store, smoking a cigarette and hugging herself like she was freezing (it was a cool 70 degrees). It was by far my favorite celebrity sighting in LA since moving here in 2005. Her hair was bleach blond but her abundant freckles revealed the true redhead we all grew up knowing and loving on [the awful remake of] “The Parent Trap.” You best...