I bought fancy shampoo again in an attempt to improve the quality of my life (the more expensive your beauty products are, the more you have it together, duh) and the name is disturbing:
“Poo,” in this instance, is referring to sulfates, which supposedly “strip your hair of all its natural nutrients,” whatever the F that means. I jokingly asked the woman at the beauty store if she thought that was a very wise marketing strategy and she had no opinion. I think my comedic observation shtick actually got on her DAMN nerves. I’m all, “Who’s gonna buy something with the word, ‘poo’ on the front, am I right?!?!” and she’s all, “Um, yeah, the women who come in here with curly hair seem to like it. Do you want it or not?” So I bought it. My curls are no more or less lustrous. Duped again. And $40 poorer.
Me: When did stamps go up to 45 cents?
USPS employee: Two weeks ago.
Me: Isn’t there some sort of memo that can go out?
USPS employee: [blank stare]
Me: Well, is there a grace period? I mailed my car payment last week with a 44 cent stamp.
USPS employee: Nope.
Me: So do they send it back if there isn’t enough postage?
USPS employee: Nope. Sometimes the receipient has to pay the rest.
Me: How does that work?
USPS employee: Who knows.
Me: Thanks. You’ve been a huge help.
The Arrowhead Water guy who delivers our fresh water and takes the empty bottles just stopped in for his bi-monthly delivery. Then he abruptly announced it’s his last day on this route and we’ll have a new guy next time. He could see I was upset but assured me, “Javier we’ll take real good care of you, ma’am.” It’s always a sad day when a delivery guy you’re attached to decides to jump ship. It’s also a sad day when you realize people who don’t know your name have started to use the term “ma’am” when addressing you. I always offered him snacks and in exchange he brought us free Perrier. Of course it’s going to be hard getting used to someone new but sometimes people are meant to come into your life, make an impact then bolt - for another truck route. I guess we’ll always have the common bond of over-priced water with traces of plastic and other toxins.
Yesterday I saw Lindsay Lohan outside a liquor store, smoking a cigarette and hugging herself like she was freezing (it was a cool 70 degrees). It was by far my favorite celebrity sighting in LA since moving here in 2005. Her hair was bleach blond but her abundant freckles revealed the true redhead we all grew up knowing and loving on [the awful remake of] “The Parent Trap.” You best believe I thought about asking if she’d pose for a pic with me but she seemed distraught, rambling on to her less attractive friend. MISSED CONNECTION indeed.
Portland is my new fave town. Here’s me with the AMAZING headliner from this past weekend, Greg Fitzsimmons, taking a break from our lovely bike ride across the river. Our hotel had complimentary bikes and they didn’t make you wear a helmet (impossible to look cool)! The crowds were fantastic as were the micro-brews. My gut is evidence. Apparently it rains all the time but not while we were there. Everyone’s real fit, too. The bartender where I ate lunch one day told me he ran to work! Don’t you need to shower when you get here, I asked? “Nah, it’s only 6 or 7 miles.” Then I finished chugging the house IPA and took a bite of pizza.
