I’m not coming back. Just move on and don’t make this any more awkward than it needs to be. And yes, you have become that creepy ex all my friends are worried is unhealthily obsessed with me. You’re a corporation focused on nothing but entertainment which is all people really care about so, I’m sure you’ll be just fine. Okay, I’ve GOT to go now. Goodbye, for real this time.

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Dear Mary Patterson,
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